I want to make a zoo with you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Every concussion has its silver lining
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
