Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
