I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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