i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
