Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
