I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
