haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
