i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
