I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
