How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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