the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
