Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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