I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
