I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
