Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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