I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
