$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
