The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
