you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
