she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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