he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
