dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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