I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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