Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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