Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
