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just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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