The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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