I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I forget how to act sober
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
