Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it because I queefed?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
