is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
