Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
