I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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