If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
