i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
