Fuck appropriateness.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
