bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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