You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize