apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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