Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
