MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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