The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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