a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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