I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
