hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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