I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
