U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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