dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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