You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This house was built for laser tag.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
