You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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