no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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