So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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