It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
