can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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