i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
