I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
