I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
