i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
