You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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