I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
