porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
