She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
