Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
