im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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