Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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